Essay seminar - past work annotation

To help us with our essay James gave us a part of a previous students essay on brand and anti-brand. We were all given different parts of the essay and I got the conclusion and bibliography. I annotated the essay, and found that it was very repetitive and it did not really feel like a conclusion. The writer kept writing the word 'essay' in almost every sentence which was repetitive and boring, for example they put things like 'in this essay' and within this essay' over and over. The sentences were longer than necessary and could have been worded a lot clearer and shorter. There were random examples with no information to back it up. Oddly it also ended with a question mark when the sentence was not even a question! I also looked at the bibliography and noticed that every single reference was taken from a website so no other materials like books were use in the research of the essay, which shows in the essay as some of the points are not explained thoroughly and the information gathered is poor.

The class also went through the other parts of the essay that I did not study and I noticed it was all similar to what I thought; repetitive and poorly written. This seminar helped me to understand what not to do in my essay and it was good to see another students take on the brief.